Two-Score’s Two-score Tales Three: Hotline Galderia: Part One

Raise your hands if you’ve missed Two-Score Tenpence? I know everyone did, you can’t fool me. After the blood soaked episode last week, what more could be in store? Well another two part episode, for one thing. These suckers are getting longer and longer. Two-Score would say “that’s what she said.” I guess he’s right.

Hello and well met, again, to all my fans here in Galderia! I swear I won’t go on until you stop applauding! Truly, a standing ovation is not necessary…

…All right, now that you’ve all taken your seats again, I can go on with my glorious tale. And not just any kind of tale, but a tale of adventure, a tale of high wit and low cunning, a tale so entrancing you will find yourself wondering how you lost an entire evening!

As you will recall, at the end of my last Tale™, our party had slain a balor, with the help of Princess’s majordomo, a tuxedo clad pit fiend. As we caught our breathe after such an enormous conflagration, Eurice Ammot explained how she came to be trapped inside he own manor with a cadre of kobolds and an angry demon. It appears as though someone, or something, activated the household’s (extremely potent) magical defences. Once activated, all of the manor’s entrances and exits sealed, and innumerable magical traps concealed and armed themselves. The house thus secured, Eurice fought off her erstwhile servants, until I lead our band of hardy adventurers across the threshold.

During our initial investigation of the manor, we had uncovered several mysteries. Not the least of the strange features we had observed within the mansion was a small door, even more magically sealed than the rest. Though she did not know what was contained within, Eurice assured us that all remaining magical traps and locks had been disabled. Ascending the long flight of stairs, we passed once again the bodies of our fallen foes, some slain by the hands of your very tale-teller.

In the library, the entire party gathered ‘round door, its runic carvings no longer giving off the waves of sealing energy they had before. As the only party member brave enough to venture into such a tight space, I passed through the enchanted gate to find… a book! In fact, there were many books concealed within this chamber, all of them magically active. In the centre of the small room, on a simple reading stand, sat a tome of obvious magical provenance.

Trusting our hosts assurance that all traps had been disabled, I hoisted the heavy bound volume from its stand and froze. After a few fearful moments, it was clear that I had not been killed, and I emerged from the small, enchanted door to the relief of my companions.

Examining the book, Notorious and Dr. Marcus could not determine its exact origin, nor its nature. The book was written in many different languages, originating from many different places. Some were from here, on the prime material plane, but the majority were from just about every other level of heaven and hell that had yet been uncovered. The two set about studying the details within for the remainder of the evening, a dozen tallow candles their only companions through the night.


With the days excitement over, and the rest of the party party preparing to settle in and rest, I heard a powerful call. There had been but a few nights in recent memory that I had not spent enriching the experience of local public houses, and I knew I could not allow such an opportunity pass. With the full intention of returning to the manor before ‘morrow’s dawn, I ventured through the city gates in search of wine, women and song. What followed was one of my greatest ever performances. All present were enraptured by the melodious tones of my slide-trumpet. In their rapture, they shed their excess coin. My gratitude, as always, to the generous people at Dick’s Halfway Inn, for helping me pull off such a rousing performance. Without doubt, everyone present saw a happy ending to their evening.


Finding my way back to the manor by dawn light was slightly more of a challenge than I had anticipated. After many wrong turns, I found myself before those most hallowed gates; that place where our party first bonded over the spilling of kobold blood. Somehow I seemed to have acquired a local Galderian delicacy: a starchy root, fried until crispy, covered in cheese and hot gravy. With my aching head temporarily satiated with grease, I greeted a groggy Dr. Marcus and the ever chipper Notorious in the well-appointed foyer of the manor. They had just enough time to yammer incoherently at me about how many incredible incantations and conjurations they had uncovered, before General Teo Ammot himself strode into the room, enamelled greaves punting me toward the wall, gravy and all.

When the entire party had risen, we conveyed to the General what had transpired. He was not entirely pleased that so much of his food stores were missing but, we reminded him, the kobolds had been gorging themselves on the delicacies stored in the cold room. We had tried to intervene, but it was too late by the time we fought our way into the pantry.

That matter settled, General Ammot informed the assembled party that, because of the way we had handled this personal matter for him, we had proven ourselves capable of handling a larger matter. This was another concern which effected the General himself, though it was framed as an investigation for the ruling council.

It seems there had been two interconnected series of deaths. In the first, several members of the Council had died under suspicious circumstances. In the second, several of the city guards, Marshals, had been killed the previous night, throughout the city. Each had been killed in a suspiciously similar way.

The conspiracy unravels, tomorrow, with the conclusion of this week’s Two-Score Tale!